Dear Dr. Brodhead:

I am delighted with the results of your surgery, re: Dupetreyn's contracture, my left hand. Piano practice has no limitations. I am enjoying the studies of Ravel, Granados and Mussorgsky.

However, one morning my doorbell rang. Thinking that it was the Avon lady I hastened to greet her. Upon opening the door 11 was startled by the appearance of a bangled, sequined, and heavily mascaraed woman, clad in ceremonial gown. There were so many arcane and cabalistic symbols on her dress that studying them gave me motion-sickness. She stated that a divine prophet had summoned her to my door to tell my fortune.

When seated, she seized my left hand. Horrified, she stated that your surgery had ruined my heart line, my love line and my lifeline. I offered to cross her hand with silver but she said clad coins were no g ood and whipped a credit-card-processor out of her bandanna. As I cleaned up the mascara from where she had wept on my kitchen table I heard her depart, accompanied by bell-tinkling and hoof clops.

Further, the members of the local coven, who had urged me to join, now say that my left hand is flawed and cannot receive the silver sword in the secret ceremony, All of these strange and unexpected people say that you have harmed me beyond the ability of humankind to reason, that I should sue you for precious gems and chests of gold. and that if need be, they will summon demons.

My attorney says they are all crazy and that I should stop wasting her time and my money.

But if you do have chests of gold and jewels I would be willing to settle out of court, on a reasonable basis. I'd even forget the sums if you'd be willing to perform, gratis, a small surgery to get my tongue out of my cheek. Sometimes, people in my presence suffer from abdominal spasms and I do have a concern for them.

Respectfully but irreverently,

Robert W. Heimerl

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