QUESTIONS PARENTS ASK
Sexual abuse includes any contact or interaction between a child and another person in which the child is being used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator and/or any additional person. This contact or interaction can include rape, molestation, forcing a child to look at or fondle the sexual parts of another person, and exploitation of a child through pornography and prostitution.

WHO ARE THE PERPETRATORS?

The offenders can be male or female, young or old, from any economic or ethnic group. Most children are sexually abused by people known to them. Some of the abusers are members of the child's own family.

WHAT CAN I DO AS A PARENT TO HELP MY CHILD?

Children who have been sexually abused need:

  1. to be believed
  2. assurance that what happened was not their fault
  3. information about any medical, legal, or counseling process they may need to go through
  4. assurance of on-going support
  5. consideration of their feelings, concerns and questions
  6. assurance that they did the right thing in telling
  7. assurance that it's okay to talk about the abuse
  8. assurance that you will not tell about what happened to anyone who doesn't need to know, and that they will be informed about who needs to be told
  9. people who will respond to them in a calm, sensitive way
  10. adults who will provide for their safety

The sexual abuse may trigger questions from the child about sexuality or about the motivations of the offender. Talking with the child about touch or sexuality, in terms appropriate to the child's age and understanding, and helping him or her distinguish between touching that feels pleasurable and touching that is exploitative may be useful.

Children's concerns and questions need to be addressed honestly and realistically. Finally, it may be useful for the child to know that he or she is not the only person to have this kind of experience. He or she may want to talk about feelings with someone who has had a similar experience.

WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS OF SEXUAL ABUSE ON MY CHILD?

A young child may exhibit the following:

  • fear of being touched, left alone with someone, certain places
  • regression to infantile behavior, bedwetting, fecal soiling
  • excessive masturbation
  • sleep disturbances
  • clinging/whining
  • frequent genital infections
  • explicit sexual knowledge, behavior, language
  • agitation, hyperactivity/irritability

An older child may react in these ways:

  • depression
  • poor self-image
  • chemical abuse
  • suicide attempts
  • truancy
  • delinquency
  • change in school performance
  • eating and sleeping disorders
  • social withdrawal
  • recurrent physical complaints
  • running away
  • promiscuity/prostitution

With counseling and support from family members, many of these symptoms and behaviors can be relieved and stopped. Long-term effects of undisclosed and untreated child sexual abuse can include:

  • marital relationship problems
  • pattern of exploitative relationships
  • sexual problems such as aversion to sex or compulsive sex
  • obsessive/compulsive problems like overeating or anorexia
  • low self-esteem from hidden shame and guilt
  • depression and suicidal tendencies
  • psychosomatic illnesses
  • alcohol and other drug abuse

HOW CAN I PROTECT MY CHILD FROM REPEATED ABUSE?

It is important to warn children about strangers, but it's equally important to protect them from the friend or family member who might abuse them. Children need to know that their bodies belong to them and that they have a right to say "no" if they feel uncomfortable about the way they are being touched. Children need to know who they can talk to if they have a problem. Parents need to work toward becoming "askable" parents.

Reprinted with permission. City-County Committee on Sexual Assault. Questions Parents Ask. January, 1985.