Male Survivors of Sexual AbuseOur society's prevalent images of men claim that men are always strong, invulverable, stoic and in control. Despite these stereotypes, men of all ages, sizes, strengths, looks, personalities and sexual orientations are victims of sexual assault. Males are sexually assaulted as both children and adults, in this homes and in institutional settings. Since sexual assaults result from perpetrators' attempts to feel more powerful, individuals that society perceives as having less power are often at a greater risk. Therefore, men are less often sexually assaulted than women, and male children are at a greater risk than adult males. One in six boys and one in four girls will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18 (Russel, 1988). The average age of male victims in Dane County is 12. Other studies suggest that the number of sexual assault victims may be even higher. In 1995, 16% of all reported cases in Wisconsin involved a male victim. The number of assaults reported for males may be especially low because survivors fear that they will be met with both homophobic reactions and disbelief.
When males, rather than females, are assaulted, there tend to be some different patterns surrounding the circumstances of the assault. Boys tend to be sexually assaulted at an earlier age than are girls. Boys are also more likely to be physically abused in addition to the sexual abuse. Boys are commonly abused by people that they know and trust but who are not family members.
The vast majority of those who perpetrate sexual assault are heterosexual males. 84% of those who perpetrate are male (Finkelhor, 1984). 83% of child molesters are heterosexual while the remaining 17% are bisexual (Groth, 1979). It is also possible for gay men to be assaulted by their partners.
SOME THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND WHEN WORKING
WITH MALE SURVIVORS:
Male survivors often feel very isolated. A man may wonder if he is the only one to have experienced this type of assault.
It is important to let a survivor know that he is not the only one and that there are services and resources available to him. Support groups have proven to be quite helpful for many because they are so effective at breaking the sense of isolation.
Male survivors may feel that they will not be believed.
In our culture, men are supposed to be invulnerable and in control. This cultural myth blocks many from reporting and getting help. Be sure to let the survivor know that you believe him and admire the courage he demonstrated when he told you about what was done to him.
Some survivors fear that once they come forward, they will be seen as homosexual.
Since so many men are assaulted by other men, many men face homophobic reactions when they come forward about an assault. It is important to know that even though the assault involved sexual contact between two men, this does not make it equivalent to homosexuality. An assault is about power and domination, while a homosexual relationship between two men is about love and attraction. An assault cannot cause an individual's sexual orientation to change. Gay males who are assaulted also may fear that coming forward about their assault will elicit homophobic responses, especially if the assault happened between two gay men in a relationship. Gay men are also sometimes sexually assaulted during gay bashings. Oftentimes friends, families, hospitals and police officers will "blame the victim" for this crime. A gay male survivor may hear something like, "you must have led him on."
When men are assaulted by women and come forward, they are often told that something must be wrong with them if they did not enjoy it. Often the reaction is, "hey, what are you? A fag or something?" This reaction may stem from the homophobia that is present in our culture. A part of the fear of being seen as homosexual may be the survivor’s own homophobia.
Male survivors typically question their sexual orientation and their notions of masculinity.
Our societal stereotypes suggest that for a man to be masculine he must be heterosexual. As a result, any feminine traits are seen as "signs of gayness." These myths are untrue but often leave a male survivor questioning his ability to be masculine. This, along with the fact that most men are assaulted by other men, may cause a survivor to question his sexual orientation.
A sexual assault does not cause one’s sexual orientation to change. Sexual assaults are about domination and power, not sexual attraction. Your sexual assault experience was a violent assault in which sex was the weapon, NOT an expression of sexual desire. Regardless of the sexual orientation of the survivor and the gender of the attacker, as a victim you are in no way responsible for your assault.
Many male survivors feel that they should have been able to stop the assault.
Men are taught to be in control and physically powerful, but the truth is any man can be assaulted no matter how string he may is. Experiencing an assault does not make you weak or incapable.
Male survivors may have difficulty expressing some of the intense emotions that follow an assault.
On the level of individual emotion, males are affected as profoundly as female survivors. Male survivors may experience feelings of pain, fear, anger, isolation, guilt, anxiety, and shock. You may also feel as if you are the only one who has ever experienced an assault. It is important as as support person that you validate the survivor’s feelings; however, never presume you know how the survivor feels.
All male survivors do not respond the same way following a sexula assault.
While there are some issues that are common to male survivors, all males do not react in the same way or along the same time line.
These are some common responses to sexual assault for males:
- drug and/or alcohol abuse
- sexually acting out or avoiding sexual relationships
- eating disoders
- self-hating or self-abuse
- depression
- feeling detached from his emotions or his body
- fear of abandonment
- sexually transmitted disease
- exaggerated stereotypical masculine behavior
- gaps in memory
- low self-esteem; feeling on the brinkof failure
- feeling guilt or shame when receiving touch
- anxiety
- withdrawl
- aggression
- sudden changes in behavior and/or personality
Male survivors fear that they will one day perpetrate because of what has happened to them.
While some perpetrators are victims, survivors are not destined to become perpetrators.Some survivors of prolonged abuse begin to see the world as a dichotomy: there are those who perpetrate and are powerful, and there are victims who are weak.
Though there is much debate, approximately 50% of all sex offenders were victims of sexual assault (Smith & Israel, 1987; Johnson, 1988; Longo, 1982; Seabrook, 1990). Male survivors are in no
