Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual attention or sexual contact committed by force, manipulation, bribes, threats, pressure, tricks, or violence.This includes child molestation, rape and attempted rape, sexual harassment, and incest.

Perpetrators can be strangers, acquaintances, friends, or family members.

Sexual assault is never the victim's fault; no one ever "asks for" or deserves to be sexually assaulted.

Everyone is at risk. According to F.B.I. statistics, a rape occurs every six minutes in the United States.

Sexual assault is not a crime motivated by sexual desire, but by violence, anger and power.

While having a checklist of what to expect during the healing process would be helpful, it is not possible. Healing deals with emotions and there are no universals. As you support the victim, patience is critical; healing time varies from many months to many years. Do not expect an "end," but instead recognize that the victim is engaged in a process and the mark of success is not "getting over the assault," but rather, getting on despite the assault. Some of the variety of emotions that a victim may experience include:

• shock • disorganization • denial • depression • frustration • anxiety • guilt • fear • anger • wanting normalcy • avoidance of intimacy (sexual and/or non-sexual)

More than one of these emotions is likely to manifest itself at once; there is not a particular order, and emotions other than these may also be experienced.

Providing support to a sexual assault survivor can be difficult due to your own feelings and responses to the assault. Here are some concrete steps that you can follow:

• Believe the victim and reassure her/him that you know the assault was not her/his fault, and that you still love her/him.
• Recognize that there is no right or wrong way to handle an assault and validate that the victim made instantaneous decisions under tremendous duress.
• Encourage the victim to get the medical attention she/he deserves even if there is no apparent physical injury. In order to provide additional support for the victim going through a medical examination or the legal system, consider contacting a counselor or legal advocate from the Rape Crisis Center.
• Allow the victim to talk at her/his own pace, despite your own possible discomfort with too much silence, or detail or repetition.
• Establish some guidelines together to determine when, and how much you will both discuss the assault.
• Respect the victim's decision to report or not to report. Only she/he knows if she/he is up to the enormous challenge that reporting entails.

You can provide better support to the victim if you also work to process your own emotions. Your needs and the victim's are often not the same. Although it is important to be honest about your feelings, do not look to the victim to alleviate your pain (anger and frustration) or to return to the way she/he was before the assault. This is not possible and just as the victim will be grieving this loss, you will also.

In addition to wanting your life and the victim's life to return to normal as quickly as possible, you may also want to retaliate against the victim's abuser. You may feel that by expressing your wishes the victim will feel believed and supported - sometimes this is the case. However, by constantly expressing these feelings, the victim may become overburdened and may feel additional guilt for your frustration and anger.

Simply by calling the Rape Crisis Center and reading this handout, you have already given the victim the gift of your compassion and understanding. Remember that rape crisis lines are not solely for victims. As a loved one, use the crisis line and crisis center to help you in your healing process. Then use your strength and some of these guidelines as you provide support to your loved one.