Stages following a sexual assault

FEELINGS: STAGES FOLLOWING A SEXUAL ASSAULT

These "stages" are established to put your experiences into a logical framework. Most survivors begin with shock and disorganization and reach "acceptance of self"; however, all the stages or phases overlap. You may experience them in some order or all at once. You will probably repeat certain phases and your feelings will probably flow back and forth. If your experience does not fit within this framework, it does not mean that there is something wrong. All of your emotions should be respected as necessary and important for your healing process.

I. Shock/Disorganization

a) Disbelief

b) Embarrassment

c) Disorientation (Experiencing the hassle of police, court and hospital prolongs this stage.)

II. Denial

a) "There wasn't a rape"

b) "It was just a rape"

c) "No one will understand"

d) "I can't live with myself"

e) "I can't handle this"

f) "It will go away if I don't think about it"

g) "This won't bother or affect me"

h) Not wanting to tell anyone

III. Depression/Guilt

a) Shame

b) Self-blame: "I asked for it somehow"

c) Feeling that anger is wrong: "He didn't really mean to hurt me"

d) "I could have prevented it"

e) "I could have stopped it"

f) "I wish I were dead"

g) "I shouldn't feel this way"

h) Hopelessness: "I'll never feel better again"

i) "I think I'm going crazy"

IV. Fear/Anxiety

a) "Will I ever be safe again?"

b) "Can people tell I've been raped?"

c) "Will I ever get over this?"

d) "Will I ever have a healthy relationship again?"

e) "Will I ever enjoy sex again?"

f) "Will I ever trust again?"

g) Nightmares

h) Flashbacks

i) Feelings of vulnerability

V. Anger

a) "It's okay to feel angry. My anger is safe."

b) Anger at the system ie. police, court, state attorney, etc.

c) Anger at rapist

d) Anger at not having control

e) Anger at society and men in general

f) Anger at others because they don't understand

VI. Reacceptance of Self

a) Recognizing you're not at fault

b) Recognizing your own efforts kept you alive

c) Recognizing that you are still you regardless of your assault

d) Recognizing that you didn't choose to be raped, but were a victim of circumstance

e) Acceptance of your anger, not judging your own angry feelings

f) Channeling anger into your career, exercise, helping others, etc.

g) Feeling in control of life

h) Feeling whole